I have not been using this blog - obviously. I know that no one reads it so maybe it can be like a thought diary. :)

Anyway, today I was volunteering at a conference that the Mission was hosting and was invited to stay for lunch. The person speaking at the luncheon was my favorite pastor from Woodmen Valley Chapel in Colorado Springs, Matt Heard (it was really exciting that the lunch I was invited to stay for was the one that I was most interested in and excited about). He talked about life in ministry and how we can either be settlers or pioneers. We can either "settle" and stay where we are most comfortable, or we can go ahead, blazing new trails unafraid at what comes next.... leaning on God to show them the way and the Holy Spirit to give the drive. This got me thinking....

My entire life all I have wanted to do was some kind of ministry work. All I wanted was to serve and love others... I had a true passion for it and I even at certain points thought I might be called to be a missionary overseas.

That passion I had that was constantly driving me, seems to be gone now. I am no longer that passionate pioneer wanting to go ahead and blaze new trails. Where did it go? I was so passionate when I started working at the Mission and truly viewed it as a ministry; now it has become just a normal job for me and that makes me sad. What can I do to change this and put myself back into ministry mode? How can I stop being a settler?

I know that I have entered into a new phase in my life. A phase that has changed my direction. I now know that I won't be a missionary overseas and my passion has shifted to my husband and to having a family and being a mother. Still though I want that passion and drive to serve and love others back. I need it back. I don't want to be a settler.